Amber’s not here right now, leave a message:

Writing this way before you’ll read it cause I know eventually you’ll make your way back around to me.. so rather than ignoring you or responding to some “hey what’s up” text here’s what I have to say… my automated message I guess.

When you came into my life you showed up as someone I don’t even recognize anymore. Where is the man who nonstop wrote and called, planned dates and wanted me in his life? Where is the man who pulled out a refrigerated bouquet of flowers and fed me bruschetta after stealing my heart in limited hours we had together on the water? I still have that vase in my kitchen window btw.. guess I imagined you’d hand pick me flowers for it again one day… Where is the man who told me he loved me and made me believe it? Who held me all night-our bodies fitting together like puzzle pieces, who asked me to stay in his bed and sleep so I’d be there when he was done with his son’s game. I felt so safe with my heart in his hands.

Where did that man go?

You once learned MY favorite song on guitar and somehow turned it into “our” song, and now I can’t listen to it anymore. The new perfume I bought for ME when this was so promising-I can’t wear anymore cause it floods me with instant memories of how that other version of you made me feel. Some of MY favorite foods don’t taste the same because of you.. makes me wish I could just scalpel you from my brain, honestly.

I had to delete your number because it was killing me not to call you.. and yet mine sits in your phone of vast contacts with no meaning at all apparently, like I just give it to anyone. Do you know how many guys have asked for it lately and been denied? There’s only one person I want to call it..

I’ve somehow become just some girl to you.. who you wanna come “see” for a bit, not stay the night, and then act as if I don’t exist for days/weeks on end… Maybe I should be asking myself where did I go, cause this shit is not me. It’s embarrassing. You make me look and sound pathetic. You make me feel worthless.. discarded. I would never treat you that way..

I really just wanna know..where did the other man go?