I lied.

No rhyming this time, I’ll do my best. Just gonna say these feelings straight from my chest…

Life is crazy-everything has gone hazy, but I’m happier than I’ve been in a while. Maybe things will be different this time with you, my brain knows different but my heart is in denial. 

I don’t need your attention or crave you everyday, I don’t care if you tell me goodnight or good morning and the things through the day that you say…

Not attached to the overnights and us falling asleep together-don’t think about you in a long term, or possibly for forever. 

I’m not afraid you’ll run away again, leaving my heart in limbo-or the fact that you’ll still watch my stories reacting to everywhere I go…

It’s not you I’m thinking about, so adolescently thinking about us with every minute-I don’t care about future days without you, or if you’re even in it.

You wanting more with other girls doesn’t send my brain into defensive; I don’t compare myself to everyone suddenly, and wonder what your brain sees in them. 

Don’t care that you react on socials or give other girls attention; go do you, playboy-go spend time within them. 

I have no expectations and I’m okay with no more phone calls; we can talk through messenger, I’m not going through withdrawals. 

Withdrawals from you and how it was before; not afraid of what could happen, and how you left my soul so sore. 

You don’t care, don’t give a shit-and I’m just another lay. You don’t care about my consistency with you and you just think that I’ll stay. 

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Funny thing is, I wrote this weeks ago before things got this bad; no more text updates anymore about the days we’ve had.

No more planning things when we don’t have our kids; no more of any of this-I’m over “us” being hid.

If he wanted to he would is a mantra nonstop in my brain, and Lord knows I’m over it this time-you’re driving me and Jesus insane.

You have problems I can’t fix and all you do is bring me down… you cause this anxiety in my life-I’ll get use to you no longer being around.

Sick of feeling “sick” from you, my body needs a break. My heart has caught up to my brain.. you absolutely were a mistake.

More a lesson, I believe everything happens for a reason. But I was just a game for you, and J I’m no longer in your season.